


Shaking

by Kallonimo



Series: Shakarian Quarantine Project [60]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, no beta we die like jenkins, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:47:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25368610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kallonimo/pseuds/Kallonimo
Summary: Garrus is there for her. Always.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Series: Shakarian Quarantine Project [60]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1751218
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	Shaking

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt Category: Angst  
> Prompt: If you don’t hug me right now I think I might fall apart

After Virmire, Shepard manages to keep it together for the first few hours. She gets back on the Normandy, debriefs the crew and makes her report to the council. Only here does she start to crack, her hand is shaking when she has to type it out.

Casualites: 1

Kaidan Alenko

Shepard puts down the padd and takes the elevator to the shuttle bay. She uses her command override to open Kaidan’s locker and get his stuff out. He had most of it on him, so the only things she finds are some spare weapon parts and a photo of a teenage Kaidan, smiling, his arm flung around a girl. 

Her legs give in and suddenly Shepard is sitting on the floor still staring at the photo. She doesn’t even notice she’s crying until the first tear hits her hand and she doesn’t stop for a while after that. When she finally manages to get back up and make her way back to the elevator, it opens to reveal Garrus. 

Shepard is shocked for a moment, but quickly pulls herself together. “Vakarian.”

“Commander”, Garrus nods “Didn’t expect to see you down here.”

“I was cleaning out Lieutenant Alenko’s locker.”

“Oh yes, sorry of course”, he suddenly seems flustered. 

“I should get on with this”, Shepard hastily steps past him into the elevator, hoping Garrus is bad enough at reading human expression and body language to not notice the redness in her face and slight cracks in her voice. She can feel him looking at her as the door closes behind her. 

-

“Some women find facial scars attractive. Mind you, most of those women are Krogan.”

Shepard laughs and shakes her head. How Garrus is standing and joking only hours after taking a literal rocket to the face is beyond her but she sure is glad that he’s okay. She waits until Jacob has left to start questioning him. “How are you feeling?”

“High”, Garrus’ right mandible twitches uncomfortably “I’m so full of painkillers I can only feel about half of my face.”

“Yeah, that’s what you sound like to.”

“Stop, making me laugh that actually hurts.”

“Sorry”, she starts looking at him more closely. He’s put on some muscle and she’s pretty sure she can spot some smaller scars and scratches on his face that weren’t there before. “Good to have you back”

“Good to be back”

-  
Shepard has spent the last hour pacing up and down the briefing room. Questioning if they are really ready, if she has taken every precaution. She knows she has. Mordin, Miranda and Joker have all assured her a hundred times, but still. What if. What if she makes a wrong call and it costs her one of them. Virmire all over. 

She turns to face the door when she hears it hiss open. Garrus walks in, already in full armour. “Hey”

“Hey”, Shepard starts pacing again “Sorry I just disappeared. I couldn’t sleep but I figured you could need it.”

“I thought as much”, Garrus circles the table to intercept her pacing, grabbing her by the arms. “Stop pacing”

“Sorry”

“Don’t apologize”

“So…”, she smiles and forces herself to relax, resting her head against his chest. Garrus pulls her into a hug.

“We’ll make it. You’re Commander Shepard. You can do this.”

“Not Commander any more.”

“Yeah, sorry. It was faster to say than Shepard, Hero of the Citadel, former Alliance Commander, who came back from the dead and assembled a diverse alien crew while working for a notoriously pro-human organization.”

Shepard laughs and wraps her arms around him. “Thanks”

“Nothing to thank me for”

“No, seriously”, she tilts her head up to look at him “Thank you for coming with me. Thank you for being there for me.”

Garrus smiles at her. “Always”

-

Thessia burning.

“Shepard”

“Not now, Garrus”

The sound of the Reapers descending.

“Yes, now. Talk to me.”

“I can’t, I have to…”

The panicked screams of the Asari in her ears. 

“You’re shaking.”

Shepard looks down at her hand. Garrus is right. Now that she’s aware of it she notices her whole body is shaking. She instinctively wraps her arms around herself, trying to force it to stop but that doesn’t do anything. The conference room starts to go blurry as tears fill up her eyes. 

“Hey hey hey, whoa”, Garrus is by her side in an instant.

“I have to make a report.”

“Pretty sure, Liara’s already done that.”

“She shouldn’t have to, it’s her planet, her home, she shouldn’t…”

“She’s already done it. You know Liara, putting things in writing helps her.”

Shepard takes a shaky breath. The shaking still isn’t stopping. She needs to regain control. She’s Commander fucking Shepard, she can’t break, not now. But then again it’s just them in here. Just her and Garrus. Garrus who loves her. Garrus who saw her cry after Virmire. Garrus who was there for her before the relay. 

“I need you to hug me right now”, her voice is quiet, almost not there, but he hears her. Garrus wraps his arms around Shepard, pulling her into him and she starts screaming with sobs. 

-

Three choices. She knows which is the right one. She knows what she has to do.

Shepard starts walking toward the left console. Control. Take over the Reapers. Don’t sacrifice anyone. Except herself.

She can feel the shaking starting. She tries to tell herself it’s exhaustion. The wounds getting to her. Running out of adrenaline. 

But she’s crying too. She’s crying because she knows she will die. She will never see Liara or Garrus or any of them again. 

She has to keep on walking. She can do this. She’s Commander Shepard. 

Tears stream down her face, she is shaking more and more but she has a weapon against this now.

She imagines Garrus hugging her, remembers the feeling of his arms around her. Of feeling loved and safe. Always.

I love you. I always will.

Shepard forces her arms inside to console and as she is torn apart and taken in, becoming something entirely different, Garrus’ face and the feeling of his embrace are the only thing in her mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! This was the last Angst prompt on my list, but knowing me it's safe to assume it's not the last angst I'll write.


End file.
